![]() ![]() “You’re retired – goodbye tension, hello pension!” – Unknown.“My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii.” – Julius Sharpe.You know you’re ready to retire when you think “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot.“Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, Hi, Honey, I’m home-forever.”.“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.” – Robert Half.“Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.” – Unknown.Most days I do nothing, but it takes me all day to do it.” – Barry Wilkin “Retirement: The pay sucks but the hours are great.” – Unknown.“A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.” – Ella Harris.And what do they give us? A bloody clock!” – Dave Allen “We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire.So I do it three or four times a day.” – Gene Perret “I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. ![]() To me a job is an invasion of privacy.” – Danny McGoorty “Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.” – Unknown.“He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.” – Unknown.“I’m not just retiring from the company I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.” – Hartman Jule.“Retirement: No Job, No Stress, No Pay!” – Unknown.“Working people have a lot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work.” – Clarence Darrow.“When some people retire, it’s going to be hard to be able to tell the difference.” – Virginia Graham.“My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.” – Jerry Seinfeld.“Funny thing about retirement, it kills more people than work ever did.” – Malcolm Forbes.“The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.” – Unknown.“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” – Abe Lemons.Whether you want to make your loved one laugh or feel inspired, there is sure to be the perfect sentiment for you! Funny Retirement Quotes To help you write the perfect celebratory retirement card, we’ve compiled a list of retirement quotes for every person. ![]() Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you can’t come up with the right words. If you know someone that is retiring, send them the perfect retirement gift and a note to honor and encourage them as they start this next chapter. A lifetime of preparation goes into this life changing decision, and it is certainly grounds for celebration. This new season is marked with excitement, relief and maybe a little uncertainty. Retirement is a huge milestone in a person’s life. ![]()
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